Sing to me of the men, Muse, the men of many mumblechatters, who sailed cardboard across the sea of Apex…
DATE: 2026-10-31 (All Hallow’s Eve) AO: #downrange COUNT: 94, from five regions FNG: Stone Age
The Gathering of the Fleet
The Trojan War was over, and the hard part was still ahead. Peak City hosted PAX from five regions for the annual Greater Carpex Region CSAUP, and the plan for the voyage home to Ithaca was simple: a 7.5-mile loop with six stops, each about a mile apart. At every stop the whole crew would regroup and spend 20 minutes on a mini beatdown, led by a Q who had been warned that this was a very large group to lead.
An overland rucking party led by Side effect would cross paths with the fleet now and then. And a final instruction: return with your shield, or on it.
Departure from Troy
At 0600 on Halloween, 94 warriors gathered on the shores of the Aegean, a.k.a. Jaycee Park. Four mighty warships were moored on the pavement. They were built from the finest cardboard and duct tape in the ancient world, and that duct tape would be tested harder than any shield.
Poseidon was already stirring the waters. Nobody turned back.
The Voyage
Seven and a half miles of Apex lay between the crew and home, and the gods had set six trials along the way. At each one the fleet gathered, the Q of the stop took charge, and the men were tested by burpees, merkins, and squats. The worst was the SHARKNADO, a beast so terrible that Homer himself dared not put it into verse.
Twenty men took a turn as Q:
Squeeze Bag, Hitchhiker, Jockey, Egon, I-Beam, Triple Lindy, Henny Penny, The Joker, Shut-In, Hamm, Kanki, Earhart, Red Ryder, Franklin, Zero Drop, Imp, Ramsay, Cheap Trick, Side effect, and Hobbit
Between trials, the ships creaked and the muscles burned. The mumblechatter carried across the Aegean, and at least one warrior surely questioned the life choices that had brought him there. The SaG crew kept the fleet together, safe, and fed on the way. Many thanks to them.
The Return to Ithaca
They persevered. These were no ordinary Greeks. They were men of F3, who know that no warrior fights alone, that no man is left behind, and that even the mightiest warship can be held together with enough duct tape and sheer stubbornness.
Against impossible odds, Odysseus and his warriors returned in triumph to Ithaca, where Penelope waited. After twenty years apart, she greeted her husband with tears of joy and a warm embrace, then asked the question that has echoed through the ages:
“You were out doing WHAT with a bunch of grown men?”
Epilogue
Just as a lone Persian emissary was spared at the Hot Gates of Thermopylae to carry word of the Spartans’ defiance, 16-Bit was sent back to the distant lands of South Wake. His sacred mission is to tell future generations what he saw: the courage, the suffering, the glory, and 94 grown men running around Apex inside cardboard boats.
Our newest recruit, Stone Age, joined us as an FNG and went straight into the deep end. Welcome to the fellowship.
IMHO, the whole event went very smoothly: challenging workouts, an outstanding SaG team, and a truly welcoming host region. Everyone involved should be applauded. Great job, Peak City!
Four warships. Six trials. 7.5 miles. 94 warriors. One epic Odyssey.
To every PAX who answered the call and every Q who unleashed the fury of the gods: TCLAPS! The gods tested us. The cardboard held. The brotherhood prevailed.
AROO! AROO! AROO!
SYITG!